The first logical step in the pursuit of unknown through mantra sadhana is a purashcharan. It is a system of practices and rituals intended to raise one's energy to the level where it becomes spontaneous and inexhaustible. A limitless source of energy is necessary to access the higher states of consciousness.
The way I was performing it, the purashcharan was similar to my normal routine. The overall experience, however, was radically different.
An undisciplined mind is a factory of chaos churning out thoughts embedded into thoughts that morph into other thoughts, which in turn, incite plenty more thoughts. These processes consume precious energy and create psychological blocks that hinder one's spiritual growth. This hindrance reflects on the material world creating a chain reaction of emotional, physical and social turmoil.
Meditation makes the body still, curtails the wayward flow of energies and trains the senses to work in tandem. When a mantra is infused in this process, it controls the wandering mind, abates the thoughts and synchronizes the rising energies in a single stream.
During my purashcharan, each day brought me a new challenge. Hours of meditation resulted in excruciating pain that withered me. I suffered but I held my ground and kept going. After weeks of ignoring the pain, I learned to gain strength from whatever caused the pain by converting it into energy.
Each moment culminated into an ever uglier thought. Vivid and vile, they introduced me to the darkest part of my psyche - a part I never thought I had. I was shaken to the core. My efforts to restrain them were repelled viciously making my mind fertile for even deadlier venoms. Since everything else ended up fueling them, I accepted those thoughts just as I accept the better ones.
Whenever my energy plunged down, I felt like I was being buried alive into the depths of hell. When it surged upwards, the ordeal was similar to a dive into the Sun's corona. My mind devised plots against me, each more sinister than the other, and my body executed them with an unprecedented zeal making my desire to give up stronger than ever. I faced them all with a little more determination and a lot more enthusiasm.
The Aghoris believe that everything is created by Lord Shiva and hence, belongs to Lord Shiva. Whatever belongs to Lord Shiva is Lord Shiva and is, therefore, pure and venerable. This philosophy made my path unobstructed and increased my energy by many folds.
After several traumatic waves of uncertainty, my energy finally began its ascent.
A brisk, somewhat frigid, eerily familiar yet unrecognizable sensation entered my skin and slowly moved towards my heart numbing everything in its path. In a tremulous motion, I was floating in partial weightlessness. I was able to immerse in that disorienting mutation the moment I stopped tugging to my stability. The universe within and the apparent universe without were both being transformed. All I could hear was a maddening buzz; still, I was hearing way better than I normally would. Blurred and distorted, my vision began fading away. Things were drifting further, disappearing into darkness. Yet somehow, I felt I was seeing the way I never saw before.
Formless and yet, very much aware of my form, I was roaming the boundless expanse. Still connected to the elements of mortality, I was experiencing every aspect of my existence - from infinitesimal to infinite. Thoughts and actions evolved into an autonomous, sentient process. My senses unified to access all the new dimensions. Time slowed down and places converged to a single point. Boundaries dissipated, limits scrunched and my energy level merged with the threshold. At that very moment, as the form was about to disappear into the formless, the energy accumulated at the base of my spine spiked and, violently traversing my spine, irradiated my crown chakra.
I was in a void or I was that vast emptiness. Featureless, formless, timeless - it was beyond existence and even beyond non-existence. It had no origin and no end. It was, perhaps, a precursor of salvation or maybe, the grandest form of the goddess. I still wonder, have I already achieved my ultimate goal.
Joy - sorrow, love - hatred, positive - negative; in that moment, they all seemed indifferent. If I were to spend the eternity somewhere, I'd probably choose that realm of nothingness. As they say, even the perpetual night sees the light of the dawn. In that endless darkness, I noticed a tiny speck of light. Shining far, far away, approaching at an incredible speed; it was a beacon, a reminder that wasn't a random occurrence. I had put it there just before entering the trance. That insignificant dot, by then brighter than the Sun, was going to guide me back to the material world.
Emotions were the first to return. They were stable, laced with a sense of purpose. My hearing had a new dimension. I also realized that my vision was not limited to my physical eyes. All my senses were streamlined, working harmoniously. It felt like each cell of my body had its own power source. When the torrential stream of thoughts was about to flood my mind, something, at the base of my spine, erupted a massive amount of energy.
My root chakra was throbbing violently, sending shockwaves of energy everywhere in my body. Instead of shooting upwards and vanishing at my crown chakra in a flash, the energy kept building up there.
A while later, it gusted to the sacral chakra initiating a downpour of every possible negativity. Enjoying the rhythmic pulsation of both the chakras, I struggled with its outcome. Gradually, the energy brought order to its own chaotic self and continued expanding.
When it spiraled to the solar plexus, I experienced the turiya state - the gateway to a plethora of states of consciousness. At the heart chakra, I immersed into eternal joy. Absolute purity and clarity drenched me at the throat chakra.
When the energy ascended towards my 3rd eye, it had already attained a divine form. I witnessed my whole life - past, present and probable future - in what seemed like a fraction of a second. Several other things were also whisked through my mind, but they were beyond my comprehension.
Then suddenly, the resonance of the chakras, locked in a harmonious synchrony, increased drastically. Bereft of their characteristics, they emptied their entire energy in the crown chakra in a precise outburst. For a split second, I felt as if all the electricity of the universe has been dumped into my head. Everything dissolved into a blinding flash.
Hours later, when I regained control over my senses, I discovered that a misty warmth, after traversing my spine and energizing each of my chakras, was flowing into my brain creating a very pleasant sensation. My Kundalini, the physical aspect of the goddess, also referred to as the Serpent, had awakened.
